I glance at Lemon. She ain’t looking at me. She’s staring at the stable across the row, two doors down from this one. “Where the hell is Sleep’n Pete?”
Shit. Lemon walks over to the stable and my eyes follow her every move. She turns back to me, her jaw set and her forehead all pinched. I swallow hard and sigh. “He was gettin’ on and he—”
“No!”
“He changed after you left, Lemon. We all did. No one could ride him. No one could even get near enough to him, and then one of the ranch hands was dumb enough to try. He got maybe three yards before Pete threw him from the saddle, but Pete injured himself too. He was lame.”
“No. You didn’t?”
“We had to.”
“Who did it—who was this ranch hand and who the hell killed my horse?”
“It doesn’t matter. He’s gone now. Your daddy fired him.”
“When did this all happen?”
“About a year after you left.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“Because no one thought you’d come back. I mean, hell, you couldn’t even stay for me, for us. You just left and no one knew until it was too late …”
“Too late for what?” She shakes her head. “The damage was already done. Me sticking around wasn’t going to change that.”
“It was too late to stop you,” I finish, but the point is moot. It’s clear she didn’t want me to try and change her mind. If she did, she wouldn’t have run out on me in the middle of the night.
“Where did you bury my horse?” Her voice breaks over that last word, and all I wanna do is pull her close, kiss her, and take away the sadness in her eyes. But it ain’t my job to ease her heartache anymore. She saw to that the second she left. “Colt?”
I sigh. “In the field near our tree.”
Her features crumple, for just a second, and then she puts on a brave face and leaves the stable without looking back.
I don’t know how to talk to her now. I don’t know how to open my mouth and not let all that shit pour out because the truth is, I’m full of it. I’m angry, but it’s more than that. I’m fucking broken. I’ve been bottling this shit up for years, and I can’t help but just want her to hurt too. I just need to know she feels something, anything.
All I wanna do is take her in my arms and hold her, but twelve years of bitterness and longing means I’ll never let her get close enough again. She was my whole fucking world, and she just up and left without a backward glance. Now that she’s back, I need to remember that she’s the one who broke us because all I want to do is forgive her. All I want is to bury myself inside her and finally find my way home. As if I’m the one who’s been away all this time.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Lemon
I pick two of my mama’s roses from the garden and saddle up Teraway to ride out. It’s been a good long while since I did this, long before I left the ranch. I chose one of the wilder horses used for roping cattle, as if I have something to prove, and head through the west pasture to a place I knew like the back of my hand growing up. The red oak stands tall in the distance, and the closer I get the more I realize that it hasn’t changed a single bit. I climb off the horse and tether it to the stump Colt had fixed in place years ago. When we were teens, we came here all the time. Every spare second we weren’t doing chores, we were making out at the base of this tree or whiling away long, hot summer days at the watering hole.
I take the roses from the saddlebag and frown at the bruised petals. Two crosses lay to the left of the tree, and I place a flower at the base of each. You’d think I’d be used to crying by now, but I’m surprised by the tears that stream down my face and the sobs that wrack my body.
“I’m so sorry I left you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here. You were the best horse—the best friend—any girl could ask for.”
The ATV cuts through my quiet eulogy and I tip my head back and close my eyes, just praying for some reprieve, for a single minute where someone’s not yelling at me for leaving them.
“Lemon?” My brother’s voice is soft, softer than I think I’ve ever heard it as he rounds the oak.
“I just really need a minute, Wade.”
“Look, I’m sorry I was kind of a dick to you.”
I open my eyes and turn to face him. “Kind of?”
He nods and lifts one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “Well, okay, a huge dick.”
“It’s fine. It’s not like I don’t deserve it.”
“Are you okay? Colt told me you didn’t take the news of Pete’s death well.”
“Why didn’t none of y’all call me?”
“Would you have come home even if we did?”
“Probably not.”
He’s right. Nothing could have pulled me back home at that stage of my life. Not even my best friend dying.
“I can’t believe he’s gone.” I’m no longer sure if I’m talking about our father or my horse. With Daddy gone, seeing Colt, and then finding out my horse died because of some idiot ranch hand is just the icing on a craptastic cake.
“That horse was never anything but wild, Lemonade. You’re the only one who could tame him.”
I glare at my brother. “He didn’t have to die because he didn’t trust other people.”
“No. He didn’t, but what’s done is done, and no amount of wishin’ is gonna undo it.”
I nod, because he’s right. I never thought I’d see a day when I’d say that Wade Winchester is right. Twice. A tear rolls down my cheek, and he pulls me to him and wraps his strong arms around my shoulders. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. He just lets me cry into his T-shirt and he rubs my back in soothing circles. I’d forgotten how much I’d missed this. Family, hugs, people who know you and who’ve loved you from the second you opened your eyes. Maybe being home isn’t so bad after all.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Lemon
Seventeen years old
I walk Sleep’n Pete out of the stable and through the west pasture. It’s just after midnight and I can’t risk his hooves waking my daddy or brothers as he thunders away from the yard. I glance at the stars overhead and the fireflies sparking in the distance like tiny green light bulbs flashing on and off, helping me find my way in the dark.
When we’re far enough from the ranch house, I hoist myself up into the saddle and nudge Pete’s sides with my boots. He bolts through the west pasture, and I ride the whole way as if the devil were on my back just to get to Colt. I can make out the lanterns and the shape of his body long before I come to a stop in front of our tree, and my heart trips all over itself at the prospect of meeting him, of touching him, without the fear of anyone catching us. I slide from the stirrups, spooking Colt’s horse Knievel in the process, and I throw myself into Colt’s waiting arms, kissing him like I’ll never get the chance again.
He cups my cheeks with his hands and pulls away. “Hi. I wasn’t sure you were coming.”